A chlamydia is not a flower

There is faith, there is love, there is sex, there is trust, there  is responsibility, there is conscience and there is a glass of pina colada ashore a transparent sea…

In spring, I shared some pleasant friendly and sexual moments with one person. Once, an accident happened and we had an unprotected relationship. Thus, we went to a laboratory to make tests to reassure each other. For me sexual diseases were more a myth than a reality and I was feeling quite light. I was not informed about them and their transmission. After the tests, the laboratory told us to wait for their call in case of infection. As they never called us, I was glad to think that I was healthy and I decided that I could have relationships without condom. This was a first mistake: I bet my life given the absence of a call, I did not ask for a written proof or neither did I go back to the laboratory to have my results clearly stated. At that time, I did not know that for most infectious diseases (such like HPV, HIV, Chlamydia, etc), there is delay of around 2-3 months between the time when the pathogen enters your body and the time when your body have produced enough antibodies so that the current medical tests are able of detecting them. In other words, even if the laboratory stated that my partner and I were negative, we could have been carriers and infectious due to previous  relationships which had occurred over the past  three months. Time passed,  I said goodbye to my first lover and a month later, I met another person (It was summer time, the birds were singing, don’t you know?…). At that time, I was still unaware and believed that I was healthy and in the hurry of desire, we did not pay much attention and had several relationships without condom… Given my previous mistakes, this was another one, the risk of transmitting a disease to another person.

 After these two relationships, I went back to France, quite confident that everything was fine. Later, I received an email which told me that one of my two previous lovers had been positively tested with some sexual diseases. I am not going to explain why and how I receive this email and whether its veracity was founded because it is not the point as far as I am concerned. The point is that I started to question myself, to consider my own past actions, to understand the transmission of sexual diseases and eventually to become aware that I actually took a risk which was worth more than my life. It was not easy for me to control the negative thoughts and feelings which came up in this context. I believed that the best that I could do was to make new tests and to wait for the results. And I also decided, to tell my two previous partners to make new tests themselves…  So, all three, we were to make new tests and to spend a very stressful time while waiting for the results. This period of two weeks during which I waited was one of the longest of my life. I lived in the anxiety that I could be sick with a disease which could change and shorten my life and that by my mistake, someone else might be in the same situation. Sometimes I can be brave but surely not this time and hopefully my relatives were there to reassure me. Hopefully for my partners and I, the results were all negative (for those diseases: HIV, Hepatitis B and C, herpes, syphilis, CHlamydia).

Sometimes we may think « oh, life is too short, let us enjoy now and 
do not worry ». But, we do not realise that this « do not worry » means  actually « do not take care ». Sometimes to worry makes sense.  I remember when I was virgin, people used to tell me: « Be a man, do it! ».  Now to « Be a man » is more about being aware and to act in a responsible way, with respect to others and to myself. I acknowledge that lack of conscience is also a natural thing when you are eager for love and for pleasure. Perhaps one should take more time to learn to love and value herself/himself  (self love) so as to avoid to be in such an eagerness. I trusted both previous partners and still believe they were honest with me but trusting them was not enough. Trust is important and the base of any relationship, however I believe that there are matters for which trust is not enough, sexual disease transmission is one of them. Prudence seems to me therefore essential too so as to be able to build a  blooming relationship. One definition of freedom is the fact of following  your own rules. So get information, become aware, define and follow your rules and  discuss them with your partner. I believe that such a behaviour also makes the difference between « fucking » and « making love ».

My new rule personnally : absolutely use a condom with a new partner  for the three first months of relationship. Then only, have both complete sexual disease tests carried out (always ask for checking as many diseases  as possible, it makes no sense of being economical in this matter). In addition, find and consult (at least annually) a gynecologist/urologist,  to scan for other sexual disease which are not detectable by urine or  blood tests (like HPV for men). And if you have any doubt about the diagnosis, the fact of consulting several doctors is sometimes better for making sure that they are in agreement. When you want to have your car repaired, don’t you you ask for several estimates from different garages?…

When you are satisfied that all medical tests are negative for your partner and for you, well… from then on, I do not need to tell you what to do!

Take care and enjoy 


1 commentaire

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